Jarred Colours

March 11, 2020

I don’t know what came into me
To have witnessed those colours so jarring, so lively
Those animal images from some exhibition
Jumping out on me, pouncing on my confusion
And the waterfall of colours onto that donut shop
As I sipped, trepid, into my Milo cup

And the taxis blinking their lights
Sending me signals through their colours bright.

Skies of hues grey, skies of hues blue
The wrath of heaven pursuing me through & through.

Blue, green, white, yellow waves :
Creeds represented by shades.

The blue sky spoke of the end of existence.
And I believed it, being under heavy influence.

But they were never my friend,
Of my perceptions they bent.
Alarming, threatening, pursuing me
Of my stability they made into foolery.

I thought they were for me
I was enthralled by all their beauty.
But I was not stable,
My judgments not dependable.

I was a lost cause…

But, like the hues of a sunrise, HE came.
The jarred colours in me HE tamed.

I was restored and awakened.
From the snares of death I was taken.

And HE breathed Life into me.
I am forever grateful of HIS deeds.

Now, HE paints colours of beauty
Onto my empty canvas of novelty.

And I am here, now, alive to tell it :
To say there’s hope & a future to those who believe it.

Proverbs 23:18 “For surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off.”


Sides

February 18, 2020

I’ve seen them before :
The flashes, the colours, the wars
Of illusions from delusions,
Confusions and distortions.
From ideas senseless
To notions reckless.
The nights I stayed awake,
Being between real and fake.
My perceptions distorted,
My creeds contorted.
I believed things I shouldn’t
When I couldn’t
Keep things intact,
In holding on close to facts
And people and support systems,
And roots and my life in HIM.
To the ground it all landed,
Making me empty-handed.
My juvenile foolishness
Plunged me deep into helplessness.
Nothing to show off
Lots to throw off
Couldn’t even regain myself,
So into deep waters I delved.
Such wrath, such menace
I believed and embraced.
They were all lies.
Of a coin, the wrong side.

GOD’s hands I couldn’t see,
But HE saved me incredibly.
I was restored entirely,
Received HIS generosity
To start afresh, anew
To be a witness true
No more from people’s confessions
But now from my own resurrection.
I was a disgrace, I was below,
Lower than dirt, sub-zero.
But in HIM there was (and is) hope
O how HE lead me to cope
From my illnesses and burdens
All carried through HIS wounds.
And now I’ve gotten better,
Healthier and stronger.
Healings, blessings, victories are in my life.
Of a coin, the right side.


When They Come…

December 25, 2019

When the night comes, those ghost crabs creep out
Inching towards my mind, crawling about
Making me restless, churning my hunger
Dragging me away from my much-needed slumber.
They’ll make me think of things lost
What I’ve wasted, what I once was.
I’ll feel less than whole,
In the midst of my mistakes shown.
And it’s hard to fight back
To again make things intact.
Because they come at me, strong
Heavy with convictions on my wrongs.
And I can only pray for salvation,
For restoration, for redemption
Things I know my GOD can give me
‘Cause HIS plans for me are of peace.
And HE’ll turn the tables around
Making these restless nights safe and sound.
There is nothing I should be scared of
Because there’s strength for me in HIS love.
Though these ghost crabs in my mind linger,
The grace & presence of my GOD is bigger.
HE’ll give me the power to win.
I’ll find HIS courage & wisdom within.
And I’ll say to those suckers :
You may come at me,
But I know you don’t belong here.
I’m not tied to you,
You’re just passing through.
I am entitled to a life
Free of fear and binds,
The life my GOD for me has saved,
The one I’m supposed to have.

Jeremiah 29:11 (NET) For I know what I have planned for you,’ says the Lord. ‘I have plans to prosper you, not to harm you. I have plans to give you a future filled with hope.


An Attempt at Antiphrasis

November 30, 2019

A Good Time to Be Alive

It’s a good time to be alive
Marriages die; divorces thrive.

Gadgets intoxicate.
No one is safe.

Love turns cold,
Affections get old.

We look close,
But is it just for show ?

Atrocious attitudes make news.
How did that happen ? I’m confused.

Families split and fall,
And we’re victims of it all.

Yes, it’s a good time to be alive.


Presentation

November 16, 2019

My tongue is tied, my lips are sealed.
I sat in silence, but my mind’s reeled
By these thoughts and notions,
By a heart that needs explanations.

I am not one to rock the boat,
One to take out that lump from the throat
Because of fear I’ll mess it up
And I of me will have enough
From saying something vile
To make good intentions die.
Or of me again they’ll kill,
My infantile goodwill.

So I guess you can say there are 2 of me,
One evident, one not perceived.
One that the eyes can see,
One that’s like a dream.
But if there’s order in this set up,
Then why should this stop ?
There’s a time and place
For everything, for every case.
And if it’s for the greater good,
Then I guess I’m doing what I should.


Rebound

September 14, 2019

“Last time they had a concert, the line of fans waiting for tickets was huge,” he told me.

“It wasn’t huge, it was long,” I corrected.

“That’s what I meant,” he chuckled. We sat side by side, having just noticed each other’s presence in our little circle of barely-close friends. We were having Italian meals in a done-up restaurant. He ordered pizza smothered with cheese and bean sprouts and puffed on Marlboro cigarettes. How deep his laughter was became a lingering residue of our conversation, just like the ashes on his tray. I couldn’t stop staring. It was such a novelty.

We talked on the phone about nothing and about everything. I would listen to him speaking in that unmistakable voice, black and heavy like the lyrics he’d compose. He shared his world and I shared mine, piece by piece. The more he unraveled himself, the more I was drawn to him. The grounds on which I stood became shaky when matched with the certainty of his creeds, and I felt pathetic, like the losing team in a debate competition. And I felt even more pathetic, when I realized he had only thought of me as a rebound.


Tu me manques beaucoup…

August 15, 2019
I'm missing you like crazy,
And wondering, too, if again
GOD'll let us meet.
But, I'm tired of wanting a
parallel universe
Where choices don't have
consequences.
Yet, you have a bright future
to greet.
And, with me, all you'll face
are defeats.
See, I want you to come, to see
and to conquer,
And I know you can't do that if
by me you're deterred.
For now, I can't help but
wallow in misery
Until the time all of this 
won't matter to me.

When It Comes to Adventures…

July 13, 2019

It’s been a while since I last had a trip overseas. And, ever since I’ve started living on my own, I’m not dependent on my parents anymore. So, for every money I’d like to spend on entertainment or activities to chase my boredom away, I’d have to be miserly about it. Because the money I get from teaching doesn’t really provide enough to let me have the things my heart desires when it comes to entertainment, I’m forced to think about every Rupiah I spend. Entertainment is set aside for daily & important necessities. And, as a result, I’d suffer from bouts of boredom and exasperation. There are what feels like countless of times of me shouting to HIM to alleviate me out of boredom. There has even been times when I felt like it’s all too much, that it’s all too intense. And, I’d be praying & wishing for more adventures, like the ones I’d watch on the tube or the ones I’d scroll about on social media. It’s been months & months of this proceeding… years, even.

But, GOD is generous and patient. Even though I’ve whined so much, HE is still close to me. Even though I’ve gotten angry numerous times for not having what I wanted, HIS Word is still with me. And, HE is the one leading me to.the right path. HIS Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path (Psalms 119 : 105). HE didn’t give up on me and made me realize why I felt the way I felt and why I went through the things I did. I feel HE is teaching me to lead a life that’s HIS way and not my way. HE lead me to deep waters not to drown me, but to cleanse me. And, (this is the awesome part), HE actually does have good things for me. As of late, there are things JESUS is showing me that is HIS way in response to my feelings of boredom : new kinds of adventures that I hadn’t expected; blessings that are coming the second time around from the ones I’ve been cut off; and a more fulfilling life, all in all. I didn’t expect HIM to work in my life the way HE did and to actually respond to me like HE has, but… HE did. Again, I feel HE is teaching me to live life on HIS terms, not on my terms, even when it comes to adventures. I expected stories like the ones I’ve watched and read, but HE has HIS own agenda. And, I understand it now. I get it. I don’t have what I want, but it still counts. And, it might be even better.


Disciplines & Worth

July 2, 2019
When I am humiliated,
I will choose to understand it :
That HE's after my ego,
That my pride I should let go.
But my value remains,
Whole & true, even when stained.
I am precious and wonderful,
HE admits that of my soul.
And I choose to believe it,
Though they'll try to defeat it.
But I choose HIS words to go by,
The truest of truths to surmise.

"I will instruct and teach you
about how you should live.
I will advise you as I look
you in the eye."
(Psalms 32 : 8)

"I will give thanks to YOU,
for I am fearfully and wonderfully
made. YOUR works are wonderful.
My soul knows that very well."
(Psalms 139 : 14)

Love and Time

June 17, 2019
I wanna talk to them,
I wanna ease the pain.
I wanna look them in the eyes
And tell them their struggles
aren't in vain.
I wanna walk past them,
Give a little hi.
Ask them how they're doing,
Give a little smile.
I wanna sit with them
And listen to their woes. 
I wanna laugh with them
And understand their sorrows.
I wanna have sleepovers
And listen about their lives.
I wanna watch movies together
And be there when they cry.
I wanna call them up,
I wanna buy them gifts.
I wanna show them love,
And tell them I'll be right here.

But... can Love repair what Time 
has eroded ?

"L'amour fait passer le temps.
Le temps fait passer l'amour."